Tuesday, 23 September 2008

30076 Sujeewa, I wish you were dead

I just got a ticket and it wasn't my fault! Ok, i'm sure plenty of people have used that excuse, but hear me out!

So there I was driving my grandma, happily waiting in the single file line on Dickman's road heading towards Galle road. The light turns green, and I calculate that I can safely be the last car through the green light. Just when i reach the front, a blue Honda comes from the right (ON A SINGLE FILE ROAD YOU ASSHOLE! [that was for the cop, not u]) and cuts into me, at which point I take evasive action to avoid getting hit and inadvertently cross the junction on the yellow (AS DID THE BLUE HONDA, YOU STUPID FUCK!).

When I turn into Galle road with my horn blazing, I see a traffic cop and think "thank heavens, now stop that other car and charge him!". Instead the cunt stops me, says I ran the red light. At which point I just let him have it.

Me: "Dakke nadda ara vaahane maawa kapapu hati?" (Did you see how that car cut into me?)
30076 Sujeewa (hereinafter "WHOREliceman") : "oya rathu light eka panna" (You went through the red light)
Me: "eka panne ara vaahanen aynvenna. monawa dihaada oya balaang hitiye?" (I was trying to avoid the other car. what were you looking at?)
WHOREliceman: "oya rathu light eka panna" (you went through a red light)
Me: "AGH!. Dickman's paara one lane paarak neda?" (er. AGH!. Dickman's road is a one lane road, right?)
WHORE (for short): "ow" (yes)
Me: "ara vaahaney eliyen enakota, eya aave varadi paththe nemeida?" (when that other vehicle comes on the outside of me, is he not on the wrong side of the road?)
WHORE: "oya rathu light eka panna" (you went through a red light)
Me: "AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. Mama eka panne ara vaahanen ayn venna! eya maawa kapagena issarahata aava. eva oyata penne nadda?" (AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I jumped the light to avoid the car! He cut into me and jumped infront. You conveniently didn't see that did you?)

I just can't even remember much beyond that. I grabbed my ticket and walked the fuck away from him, got into my car and drove off.

I met many other nincompoops on the roads today. Today must definitely be "motorists, leave ur brains at home" day.

Friday, 19 September 2008

Tony Blair on Jon Stewart

One of the funniest talk show hosts meets one of the few respectable politicians of our time. Watch it here - you won't be sorry.