Death by Bureaucracy

What a bright and sunny morning. Stark contrast to the heavy rains of last week. But the gloom of exams still hangs over. Short of notes. 5 days to go. Headed over to the Open University first thing in the morning so that i could buy a few books and then head to work. I get there at 2 minutes to 9. Obviously, the shop was closed. My private sector punctuality was a mismatch to his public sector career. The King of the bookshop entered his court at a quarter past 9. Smart looking chap. I underestimated his insight into his job. See, he manages the bookshop for all the subjects taught at the Open Uni, so there are a bloody lot of books there. So i never expected him to know what I was looking for. But lo and behold, I had to only mention the subjects and he swiftly pulled out what i needed. Maybe government servants were on the ball after all. hmm. He starts writing out what I thought was a receipt. I pull out my wallet. Count out the cash. He hands me the paper he was scribbling on. Tells me to take it upstairs (which is a bit of a distance away considering his throne was at the back of the building) and pay it at the finance department. Sweet. Maybe I shouldn't have underestimated him cause he was only following orders and he did what he had to do well. But I should've known his department was going to spring this one on me. But I made the mistake of underestimation again. See, I thought I could stroll into the finance department, pay the thing, come back, get my books and go. How wrong I was. So I go up to the cashier and surrender the paper. He takes one look at it, gives it back and tells me to get it signed from an office "over there". So i head "over there" and ask the first guy I see who should I get this signed from. He points me over to a table which is surrounded by many eager ladies pulling at goodies that lay on the table as if it were a screaming nugegoda vedor's ware on a saturday afternoon. So this lady seated behind the desk, who was the nugegoda vendor's substitute, quickly puts away a saree and jumps when she sees me there with my paper. She quickly signs it, obviously embarrassed like a nugegoda vendor when caught selling fake goods. Then she points me to another "over there" and tells me to get it signed again by a manager. At this point I'm thinking WHY? So I go to the manager. He pulls out a calculator and checks to see whether the King (remember him?) has got the amount right. He signs it. I heave a sigh of relief. Head over back to the cashier who takes about 15 minutes to write out the actual receipt. Finally I get it and head back to the King who is in the middle of a long chat about the cricket with 3 others in his court. He takes the receipt without looking at how much I had paid, hands me the books, and finally i'm on my way... Why couldn't he have taken the payment in the first place? Wouldn't that make the whole process alot more productive for both myself and the department? Bloody red tape...You'll be the death of me.

Of dickheads behind desks and fucktards behind the wheel...

Let me start with the dickheads. Having recently moved to a new place, i'm dying to lay my hands on an ADSL connection. Reason being that my former neighbour who was so freely providing me with access to his wireless net connection (unknowingly of course) having forgotten to secure the darned thing with a password. Too bad i couldn't find him a place close by. So i go to SLT yesterday, pick out the form "new ADSL applicants", fill it out and go to the guy that's sitting at a desk who is obviously free. Guy-at-Desk (hereinafter GAD) - "no sir, u need to go talk to the lady sitting over there" (points finger towards a lady) Since the lady has two ppl with her i patiently wait 10 minutes next to GAD. At 10 minutes on the dot this is what followed... GAD - "sir, don't worry i can do it from here" (why in fucks sake didnt u say so in the first place?) So i hand him the application. GAD - "what do u want?" (It boldly says "APPLICATION FOR NEW ADSL CONNECTION" on the form) Me - "err...new ADSL connection" he types in the tel no into the system. GAD - "sir, number is registered to someone else" Me - "yes i know i just moved in there" GAD - "cant give connection" Me - ???? "why not?" GAD - "not ur house" Me - "I just moved in there 3 days ago. The connection might be in his name but from now i'm paying the bill" GAD - "doesnt matter. cant give connection" at which point the lady he originally pointed out to comes along (let's just call her P. Vesi, for her name should've been that) P. Vesi - "whats the problem" GAD explains situ P.Vesi - "cant give connection" (wtf, are u guys inserted with the same broken record when u join SLT?) Me - "madam, i've just moved in there, i'm the one who will be paying for the connection charges as well as the monthly fee. i will also be paying the telephone charges for that line. This guy the phone is registered to doesn't live there. Even if u give the connection in his name and i decide not to pay for it, then ur in trouble coz u cant get me to pay for it! Can't u see it's better if u just give the connection in my name? it's better for u? (bills get paid) it's better for slt? (new customer)" If i was her right now, i'd be like "yeah sure sir no problem, i'm sorry abt the confusion, if it's a new connection u want that'll bring us money that we're not earning right now yeah u can have it" P.Vesi "cant give connection". Me - "i need to speak to a manager" Points me to Fat lady who obviously struggled to get behind her desk, and struggled even more to sit at her chair which has two arm rests. Her intricately over padded love handles now rest on them with a sigh of joy for her, with a heave of horror for anyone who walks past. She sits there with a look that says "customer is king, but i'm the queen bee, bitch" So i nervously go up to her Me - ...ah fuck it, i just explain to her the scenario Queen - "cant give connection" at this point i'm convinced those three words are what is in the SLT manual for new employees under the insightful heading "Customer Service for Dummies". Me - "lady, if i decide not to pay, u can't force me to if the connection is in his name....It's in ur best interests that it be in my name...dont u comprehend? tu estupido? tum paagal ladki? thamuseta hukana molayak nadda oyyy!?!" Queen - "cant give connection" At which point i get up, laugh in the bitches face for i'm convinced those are the only 3 words they all know, pick out another form and leave. I'm gonna fucking put my name down the way they want it (in the other guy's name of course), sign it, and go to another outlet. Are the majority of Sri Lankans incapable of thinking outside the box? Maybe think "hey this might be a good thing after all" instead of following the rubbish that is dished out to them? AGH! On the bright side, i'll have ADSL soon anyway. Under my new alias of course. Was going to post about the fucktards on the roads. But they don't even deserve a bloody mention. But if u do meet em, pass the msg "pls drive straight, don't cut into my lane coz u see a small enough space thats only big enough to fit ur puny dick, don't give me shit when u fuck up, and finally RED MEANS FUCKING STOP! boy...lots of angst in me...that felt better.