If I was MR ...

... I'd pull my best trick out of the hat. I'd forget about having Presidential Elections next year. After all, I wouldn't want the one reason that would've ensured that I was in power for another 6 years to be the reason that might also take away that possibility. In 2 years time, Sarath Fonseka's legacy might've been forgotten, and by then, the SB Dissanayakes of Sri Lankan politics would again be my opposition at any election. Coming back to reality, I feel that the opposition and its whole "common candidate" battle strategy (no pun intended) might've been one that has been prematurely ejaculated. In any case, I wouldn't vote for either of these jokers, one of whom will eventually be the one from millions that fertilizes the egg that is Presidency, only to bear yet another stillborn child.

Nostalgia

I saw some Indian guava today at the supermarket, and I had to get myself some. Back at home and sinking my teeth into the soft green fruit, the sweet taste transported me back in time, roughly 15 years ago, to Negambo, to my Aunt's garden out there where my brothers, cousins and I used to pick the pink pera from the trees and devour it with gusto. This would be both before and after a game of cricket in the afternoons, where my uncle used to repeatedly lift my bowling over square leg and between the coconut trees for six. Then my brother and I would go "double" cycling around the sleepy surroundings of Negambo town. I guess we forget alot of memories, only to be reminded of them later in life to only crave for those moments again.

Nearly there...

The Royal Thomian is not a big match. It is a fucking festival! With only days to go to Royal Thomian week, I'm already dreaming about the match in my sleep, having goose bumps when I'm awake and bloody excited cause I've got a ticket booked to head home for it! Royal is having their best season ever in its almost 175 year history. With 9 outright wins, a lot is gonna be expected from this team, and I know i'm not the only one flying home hoping to see them deliver a win!! I was just watching some videos of the coverage of the Joe-Pete big match on www.thepapare.com, and i was thinking, bloody hell, the Roy-Tho is a massive deal compared to this! If I'm not too sloshed, i promise i'll take pics to post up here for those of you who cant make it or havent experienced it, just so that you can get a glimpse of why this time of the year makes all Royalists and Thomians go absolutely nuts!

A thought to last beyond a lifetime

He may have exaggerated. But he had the balls to do what others won't. For that, I always admired him, and I always will. In his memory, and with hope for the future of SL, I quote his words : "Should we fail meaningfully to address the aspirations of the Tamil people that survive this holocaust, we can be sure as night follows day that history will repeat itself... and all the bloodshed and all the sacrifice made to bring the war to a conclusion will have been in vain,"

Reunion

It's great to be reunited with your uni housemate. It's better still when he brings a bottle of black label. Anyone want to share?

30076 Sujeewa, I wish you were dead

I just got a ticket and it wasn't my fault! Ok, i'm sure plenty of people have used that excuse, but hear me out! So there I was driving my grandma, happily waiting in the single file line on Dickman's road heading towards Galle road. The light turns green, and I calculate that I can safely be the last car through the green light. Just when i reach the front, a blue Honda comes from the right (ON A SINGLE FILE ROAD YOU ASSHOLE! [that was for the cop, not u]) and cuts into me, at which point I take evasive action to avoid getting hit and inadvertently cross the junction on the yellow (AS DID THE BLUE HONDA, YOU STUPID FUCK!). When I turn into Galle road with my horn blazing, I see a traffic cop and think "thank heavens, now stop that other car and charge him!". Instead the cunt stops me, says I ran the red light. At which point I just let him have it. Me: "Dakke nadda ara vaahane maawa kapapu hati?" (Did you see how that car cut into me?) 30076 Sujeewa (hereinafter "WHOREliceman") : "oya rathu light eka panna" (You went through the red light) Me: "eka panne ara vaahanen aynvenna. monawa dihaada oya balaang hitiye?" (I was trying to avoid the other car. what were you looking at?) WHOREliceman: "oya rathu light eka panna" (you went through a red light) Me: "AGH!. Dickman's paara one lane paarak neda?" (er. AGH!. Dickman's road is a one lane road, right?) WHORE (for short): "ow" (yes) Me: "ara vaahaney eliyen enakota, eya aave varadi paththe nemeida?" (when that other vehicle comes on the outside of me, is he not on the wrong side of the road?) WHORE: "oya rathu light eka panna" (you went through a red light) Me: "AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. Mama eka panne ara vaahanen ayn venna! eya maawa kapagena issarahata aava. eva oyata penne nadda?" (AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. I jumped the light to avoid the car! He cut into me and jumped infront. You conveniently didn't see that did you?) I just can't even remember much beyond that. I grabbed my ticket and walked the fuck away from him, got into my car and drove off. I met many other nincompoops on the roads today. Today must definitely be "motorists, leave ur brains at home" day.

Home

It was 6 months out in a place I had only ever been to once before, that when I was 3. Now that's done and dusted, and it feels great to be home and on my time where there are no work commitments, deadlines or clients. Less than 24 hours in and I'm already feeling the disorganized chaos that is Colombo, where my brother drives like a maniac, brother 2 is in bed with a cast, everything must stop for politicians and buses, and so on. I liked my stint out there. A lot of people warned me that i'd be bored after 2 weeks. But, as is the case anywhere, you gotta keep your self doing things, and you will love it. It helped that I found myself in the midst of a great bunch of people. My cousin (the one that RD knows in London) once was telling me that, to people living abroad, friends are their family. Now, although that may seem like stating the obvious, it definitely is true. So, for four months i'll be here, soaking up my homeland. Then to a not-so-new family. But first, tonight to Chaar-max's bachelor party!

Legal Jargon

It's public knowledge now that the powers that be want to impose that the Law College is to conduct all its courses and exams in only the English medium. As to be expected, there's been plenty of ha ho about the whole darned change with plenty of people opposing the reforms. But I for one think that it is a good move (one of very few exercised by those in power!), mainly because currently exams and lectures are only conducted in English or Sinhalese. No points for guessing what's wrong there. Secondly, I think it will eliminate the language barrier at least in the legal profession. To me, that's a huge start, and one that's long overdue, for I firmly believe that the language barrier was the cause of our problems and is the obstacle to our solution. Living in Singapore has opened my eyes to a few things. All this hue and cry back home about safeguarding the language of the majority is a load of bollocks. Chinese make up 75.2% of Singapore's population, followed by the Malays, Indians and Eurasians. However, since independence, Singapore maintained English as its main language, and this has definitely helped bridge the races and attract expat workers like ants to honey. So hats off to them law pundits.

Choices

I was just reading Gutterflower's latest post, and it reminded me about something i've been thinking of lately. It's a concept that's hard to explain, but it involves choices, space, personal idiosyncrasies, personalities, social groups, religions, age and basically everything else that makes each of us so very different to the other. See, of late I've noticed that a lot of Sri Lankan people are interested in, and have an opinion on, the general subject of "others". This involves the clothes other people wear, the food they eat, the places they go, the choices they make, and so on. I mean, it is inherent in our blood and beings that we are born gossips. But, sometimes it goes a little too far. For instance, have you ever come across the term "socialites" in Sri Lanka? It generally refers to young metrosexual guys and girls who are usually dressed to kill, party all the time and act in a more "western" fashion than you'd expect from the average Sri Lankan teen (ASLT). Ok they are different from ASLTs, but I've come across many people who don't like partying and that sort of lifestyle but say "oh I'm not a socialite, i don't need to act like that". See, that's the thing that irks me. If it's not your thing, don't judge people who might like such stuff. Just say it's not your kind of thing and move on. This applies to almost everything back home. I've heard Stigmata being branded as "wannabe's" just cause they dress differently and look strange. But they are the best fucking metal band in town! So if metal and that sort of lifestyle is not your thing, hate the game, don't hate the player! Even if a person chooses to wear a short skirt, or to listen to Brittney Spears, or to get married at 16, or to walk with their hands, or chooses to do anything else that might be different to your interests, try and understand that everyone is different and no two people are alike. You may have your own beliefs, but the next person to you is not a bad person just because he/she has their own! One of the reasons people love to live abroad rather than in Sri Lanka is that, when abroad, no one gives a damn about what you do. In Sri Lanka, we make it a point to make everyone elses life our own responsibility. People were born to be different. Live and let live! After all, you wouldn't want people passing judgement on the way you live your life, right? We're all but oil and water. Oil and water.

If I Was Prabhakaran...

...I would be thinking to myself that this armed war type of thing has been going on for a while with not much success. I must prove to those southern buggers that I'm a nice, like-able kinda guy. Cause if the South believes I'm a trustworthy, decent chap, they might actually consider me as a plausible alternative to dearly beloved Mahinda. So for starters, if I was Prabhakaran, before wasting another suicide bomber, I would blow up Mervyn Silva to smithereens. I'd plant not one, but two claymores on either side of the road so that he gets hit from both sides, much like he did at Rupavahini, only with much more force and shrapnel. That should win me support from the masses. Tell me. What would you do if you were Prabhakaran?

The Thing About Accents...

...is that when it's not your own, you tend to laugh about it. This is true wherever in the world you are. I spent three years in Hull, where the locals probably have the worst accent in the whole of the UK, if not the world, and yet they'd laugh at people who spoke more 'normally'. This coming from people who would cry out "hunnaaay, fern curl fer yoooouuuuuuuz!" and "errrr neeerrrrrrr it's sooondeeeeey meeeernin". So anyway, in Sri Lanka this accent thing is a big issue. I was at law college the other day, trying to cram in as much as possible in the 15 minutes prior to when the exam started when these two girls who were also about to take the exam started talking in raised voices and varied accents, one american, one british, disrupting the blissful silence. The deafening cackle of foreign voices disrupted the orderly exam preparation that was taking place along the corridors, which made the students sit up, peer at the cacklers, giggle, sneer and then try to concentrate again whilst the conversation continued. However, it didn't stop. Which made me stop studying and ponder. How is it that when some Sri Lankans go abroad, they develop an accent that they can't seem to lose even when they come back? While you live abroad, it is invariably true that you develop a particular way of speaking in order for the locals of that country to understand how you speak. That sort of adaptation would avoid the weird looks you would get if you break into "ado that kaalla was bloody hot nuh you bugger?". I worked in call centres for the entire three years I was abroad, so at first people could not understand me over the phone. So I had to adapt my ways of speaking in order to be more clear, and it worked. But i'd lose the 'accent' as soon as I got talking to people who would understand me normally. Hence, when I came back, it was easy to shake off. But, some people who go abroad for a short period of time, come back with a stunner of an accent that just doesn't seem to go, and sometimes doesn't even fit in the locality where they were based. For instance, a friend from school studied in Durham, but instead of the Newcastle-ish drawl, he came back with a perfect, high class, essex-ish accent. Another example would be the medic who studied in Nepal, and now has an American accent. Maybe my geography just sucks and I don't know what the hell i'm talking about. But, my question is, if you can acquire an accent by being around foreigners and speaking like em, how come you can't lose it when you're back and speaking with your own kind? For one, you tend to be the laughing stock of the town. Secondly, a foreign accent is not something that makes you cool. Thirdly, I just can't understand you when you go "eeeeeeer i gotta geeeeeeer, fern curl".

Neighbourhood Watch

Directly taken from the official website of (the apparently) Honorouble Namal Rajapaksa. "ARMS GIVING CAMPAIGNS - ‘Tharunyata Hetak’ organized an arms giving for the elderly folk of ‘Tissamaharama’ on the 6th of May of 2007. The event was attended by approximately hundred elderly people." Be extra careful. 100 armed senior citizens are on the loose.

The Long Road Home

Sri Lankan roads aren't all that confusing now are they? See, the longest drive within the city is going to take you about 30 minutes at most (add 10-15 more for traffic). So why's it that trishaw drivers always mess up a simple point A to point B trip? Here's the deal. This morning, I walked about half a kilometer from home to where Kirimandala Road meets Nawala Road (point A). Found a bright blue trishaw there. Saw a man standing next to it. Went up to it and said I need to go to Braybrooke Place (point B). He thinks for a while, tells me to take the 176 from there and change at Borella. I look at him blankly and point towards the trishaw. He laughs and points me to the driver who is standing further away. I smile meekly and move on to negotiate with the actual driver. But that's not the story. So having told him what the best route is and negotiated an apparently reasonable fair of 250 bucks from A to B, I get in and we're on our way. I still haven't gotten over the fact that in Bangalore trishaws charge only 6 INR (roughly around 18 SLR) per km while over here in SL i'm paying close upon 50 bucks a km! While heading down Kirimandala he suggests a different route which is slightly longer, which other trishaws have taken before, so I say to him "yeah ok if that's what you wanna do". So we head up Thimbirigasyaya Road instead of going down Baseline Road towards Kanatte. Generally, the Thimba route involves us turning into the lane opposite Sunethra Lane near the church on Thimba Road, then heading past CR&FC and towards independence square. While I was sitting there with my ipod plugged in I see that turn off pass us by. Then we turn right into Torrington Avenue. This was a new route! So when Torrington ended on Bullers Road I expected him to take one of 2 options, both of which ended up near independence square. But I was wrong, AGAIN! He goes towards Thunmulla along the one way, goes all the way around and comes back towards Lionel Wendt and the Museum and finally to Braybrooke place, adding at least an extra 10 minutes to a 20 minute ride. I would've thought he might've saved more cash, and me more time, if he actually listened to me and went on the route that has been identified to be the shortest, at least by me! But these trishaws, they've got their own GPS which apparently you can't fool.

Rajpal at it again?

Kaiser Koyabashi (on getting beaten up) and Pradeep Jeganathan (rambuttans in jelly i believe) also found here.

Rajpal Abeynaike and the last 24 hours

Over the last 24 hours I've been acknowledged, abused by and apologised to by Rajpal. The reason for this post? Just to make sure the blog sphere (and the ever intrusive and secretive Lakbima Reporter) is kept abreast of what went down. Chaar~max, a friend of mine, asked me to deal with Lakbima news about a post of his that had been published in last Sunday's paper without his permission. We decided that the best course of action would be to ask for an apology and an explanation as to why the author was not contacted for permissions. I called up Lakbimanews and asked to speak to the editor. I was put through to the business editor, Ashwin Hemawaththegama is the name I believe, to whom I explained the situation. He took my number down. When I asked why they did it, he got abusive, told me to fuck off and hung up. I called back an hour later and asked to speak to Rajpal, and I was promptly put through. I explained what had happened and I told him that we were considering a few options, including taking legal action and also giving publicity to their ways through other media, including other newspapers. He got abusive and told me to publicise it in New York and the Great Wall of China (why he chose those two places still dumbfounds me). Again he swore at me and hung up. I called back another hour later and told him that I thought the line got cut mid conversation. I asked him why the permission of the author was not sought. He said that since the article was on a public domain, ie the www, it was usable by anyone. At this point I asked him whether he steals articles off sites such as http://www.bbc.co.uk/ without their permission. He didn't reply. I then brought his attention to the fact that there was a disclaimer on Chaar~max's site stating that the material was not for commercial use. He said he had looked through plenty of blogs and had not paid attention to any licenses or disclaimers. How convenient. He lost his cool again and started shouting at me, at which I kept saying "all we want is an apology". Again he told me to fuck off and hung up. Later yesterday, he posted a comment on a few blogs. Here's an appetizer of what he said: " we tried to contact you, but it’s not possible in most of the blogs. We did contact some of the others though, who left contact e mails" - then why did he tell me that if it's in the public domain, he doesn't care who wrote it? "It’s not as if any stuff was published without credits" - with all due respects, giving the name of the author of the article with the article is all well and good when the author is part of the team of journalists working for the newspaper, but when it is taken off a blog, or a website for that matter, sufficient credit is given only when a link to the website is provided. "As for that one abusive caller…hh, well.. its difficult to tolerate that..to put it succinctly. Can we keep the abuse out of this?" - if I was abusive, why did he bother to apologise to me? Last night, while I was having dinner, I got a text, the transcript of which is provided below. "I think it was a bit of a heat of the moment thing. sorry about that. vil it b possible 2 talk 2 u 2morrow past 2pm. Rajpal." I replied very abruptly "Call me.i'll see what I can do". This morning he messages me again. "in fact why i wanted 2 call u was 2 see if u can write fr us direct under yr psuedonym or name. if u do v vil pay u handsomely. Raj" which was quickly followed by "make that 'v will pay u reasonably'" I ignored the first, replied the 2nd and told him that I don't discuss anything over texts and if he needs to talk to me he knows how to contact me. So, after having lied profusely on his comment, he texted me apologising for his phone conduct and promising to call me today. I still await his call, but not with baited breath. I'm positive he is unable to keep to his word. Blogs are where some ppl write in order to vent. Some of those ppl, and I admit not all, do not want their work published, especially in the mainstream. Sri Lankans are taken for a ride by their own kind almost all of the time. But I'm not one to put up with it, especially when it's my friends or I who are taken on the ride. Rajpal, let me remind you, you don't get respect. You earn it.

"unusual relationships"

So the coach (Aruna Shantha) and captain (Chandima Akarawita) of the Sri Lanka women's volleyball team were fired yesterday. Who gives you may ask? I personally don't. But the reasons for dismissal are hilarious. The national women's coach has been banned for 10 years from all activities pertaining to the sport while the captain has lost her status for a period of 2 years. So it must be a serious breach of conduct don't you think? Well, yes and no. The coach was found in a player's room, which, for obvious reasons, is out of bounds for a male when the whole the team is a bunch of females. Now I think it was fair that he lost his spot. I mean, if he wanted to get a fuck, he didn't need to go on tour for it. By letting his hormones get the better of him while on tour, he lost out on his professional judgment and thus should be penalised. Well done volleyball association. Now the captain? Read this. "Chandima lost her status for maintaining an “unusual relationship” with a team-mate Devika Kapilakumari who was severely warned and discharged." What a bloody laugh! What I don't understand is why bring out the players' sexual orientation, which, in effect, should be personal anyway! The reason for the discharge should have been the same as the coach. Why go to extra lengths to disgrace the players and then name them as well? "Unusual relationship"? Bollocks I say! A little tact would do them good.

A tribute to buffets...

A lazy Sunday afternoon is only truly complete when you sit yourself down at a nicely laid table and tug at the starched napkin, in preparation to feast for two hours. I hadn't done this in quite a while. But yesterday was THE day. The Blue Waters Sunday buffet is out of this world. I can't even remember all the types of food that I guided into my salivating mouth, but my tummy sure does when it is still trying to process the hefty quantities, nearly 24 hours later. So smoked seer and mutton korma apart, our table conversation revolved around buffet manners and etiquette. The girls, being all prim and proper, were not prepared to dig in with their fingers when needed. The boys, on the other hand, were adamant that a little farting and burping is required when stuffing yourself with copious amounts of food. See, the theory behind that is, when you swallow a mouthful, you swallow with it air which is already in your throat. So when the air gets into your tummy, it takes valuable space that could well have been attributed to food. So in order to make more room for the yummy food that the chefs took all morning to prepare, which would, in effect, go to absolute waste if we don't stuff more than what our tummy's can hold, we need to fart and burp a little to get rid of the wretched air in our stomachs. Comprehendo? So Salads, bread, 2 servings of main course, a hefty dessert and 2 hours later, we were sprawled on beach chairs, unable to move, stuffed to the brim with food and no air, only to be told that tea was to be served in 10 minutes.

I love the country, I hate the place.

Recently, in the course of conversation I asked a foreigner what he thought of Sri Lanka. He replied "I love the country, I hate the place". I can't remember who the man was, but these words are etched in my mind and eerily haunt me. When I asked him to elaborate, he told me that Sri Lanka is no doubt a country to love, and for all the right reasons too, but then it's such a difficult place to live in for many more reasons than one. You know what? He could not have been more spot on. Everyone knows we live on a gold mine of opportunity. But everyone has known that for the last 50 years. We can keep blaming the war, but that's not just it. I have my own reasons as to why we are what we are. They centre mainly around you and I and everyone else. Instead of digging out the gold, we've done well to take out the rocks and then gloat over our accomplishments, sit back over a nice rice and curry, and fatten ourselves just before dozing off for our afternoon siesta. Living life here is a struggle, and the people, our people, don't make it any easier. To me, the mentality of the public is the main reason for our shortfall, and we don't seem to know how to cut our losses. I'm limiting myself to a few things that irk me as I don't want to be typing this post till stupid-o-clock in the morning 3 days from now. I can't stand the fact that we lack pro activeness. Ok granted we're not go getters by nature and we love to blame it partly on our island culture, but that's a load of bollocks. What i'm talking about here is we'd rather sit back and sip our plain tea if we can have someone else do the dirty work for us. To use simple examples, how many times have you felt like you wanted a drink but you were too lazy to go to the fridge so you shouted for someone else to get you one? If you wanted something from a store, how many times have you asked someone to get it for you on their way, never wanting to go out of your way to get what you need? It's frustrating to see people just sit and ask others to do their dirty work. It's even more frustrating when the people who help you don't get their due share. Peons, drivers and maids come cheap but are also used like cheap whores. Paid almost next to nothing and then treated like dirt, just so that we wouldn't have to sweat that extra drop to fulfil our very own needs. If only we were just that much more proactive in our own lives, we'd frustrate ourselves and others less, which can only be a good thing. It's a dog eat dog world out there, and Sri Lankans are real bitches. We're marketed as a friendly nation, but how much of that is true? We wouldn't give the time of day to others with a smile on our face, let alone their right of way. We couldn't care much for the success of others. A simple compliment is something you have to slave for. Respect is never heard of, especially from the top of the social ladder towards the bottom since everyone expects the smaller folk to kiss their bums with the wettest of lips at every turn. We'd always be the first to talk shit about others, always looking for misgivings rather than achievements. "my god do you know what that girl is doing?", "that bugger is making so much money, what an arse hole", "do you know that she has put on so much of weight?". If only we'd be nicer to people, they'd be nicer to us. But then again, us being as un-proactive as we are, we're always waiting for the other to make the first move eh? A little humility would go a long way. But that's too much to ask. A little respect, well, that's unheard of. Sri Lanka is beautiful. It's home. But it's increasingly frustrating to live here and I blame the people. Sri Lanka has the potential to be great. But we, as it's people, just have no direction. I love my country, I just hate the place.

One country...one people

I've never been through anything more surreal. I was at the CH & FC watching Sri Lanka bat when suddenly we heard what sounded like a couple of explosions. The electricity was shut off. 1500 people were stranded in the dark. No one was let out. No one was let in to the grounds. Then there was gun fire which was followed by a burst of flares from all directions of Colombo's night sky. Surprisingly everyone didn't panic. We got news that Colombo was under attack. No one knew exactly what was going on though. Then everything quietened down. About an hour after the lights went out, they were turned back on again. The screens were still turned off so no one knew what was happening to the match. At that point i'm not sure many people cared. People were too busy finding out whether their loved ones were ok, if they could get on the already congested mobile networks. But a little while after the lights were turned on, there was another burst of a million flares that lit up the night sky. It would've looked gorgeous if not for the emergency of the situation. There was more gun fire. And then we saw a plane in the sky. Everyone panicked. The main ground lights were turned off. People were breaking the bulbs of the lights in the food stalls in order to get the whole place dark again. Then the electricity was turned off again. People started running everywhere. Some were crying. Some were just sitting there. I'm proud to be from where I am. We, as a people, have been through a lot. Alot more than what others have been through. We've grown up through war and strife. We've gone to school amongst bombs going off and people being killed. I'm proud of what our people have become. I'm proud of the fact that everyone at the CH, whatever their religion, race, caste or creed were worried about each others families. What happened to the world cup? I don't really care. I'm proud of the way our team played right throughout. We're an island nation at war, but we still conquered the world in my heart. I'm proud to be Sri Lankan.

Virginia Tech Massacre - Our Government's Fuck Up

It's common knowledge that Cho Seung-Hui killed 32 before taking his own life. Doing the dutiful diplomatic doodah resulted in our government offering condolences to the US by way of the following statement (which can be found as reported in the Daily Mirror here). "The Government of Sri Lanka condemns, in no uncertain terms, the appalling, senseless killing of 31 innocent students and teachers, at the Virginia Tech University in Virginia, USA recently. As citizens of a country deeply conscious of the value of non-violence, we share the feelings of grief borne by the people of the United States of America. We convey our deepest sympathies to the families of those who lost their loved ones in this tragedy and to all those who were, either directly or indirectly, affected by it." Wouldn't a little bit of the professed "chinthana" have gone a long way and prevented causing considerable embarrassment to the Sri Lankan people? I also wonder whether our government sends out condolences to Iraq, Sudan, and other places where such numbers and then some are killed on a daily basis by disturbed suicidal people. I guess it's a case of lust after the sexiest arse. After all, kissing a miserable, unshapely one is not gonna be of any use.